I’m very late… being late for a regular lesson is also, of course, not good, but being late for the tantric practice is even more unacceptable. The first thing that I saw when I opened the door was the clothes of one of the boys, and I immediately remembered the words of our yoga teacher that when entering the space of the Tantra practice, we kind of hang our usual clothes on a hanger, leaving behind the threshold all ideas about ourselves .. the clarity of the words made me laugh very much .. It seemed that no one was protecting the space .. but behind this visibility there is a powerful internal protection, force fields .. they are very much felt at the moment of practice, when you just know that no outsider can appear.
I go into the hall .. a sense of mystery, something unearthly even .. the candy was delicious.
Wow, a fire ritual .. I was struck by the beauty and harmony of what was happening: the day before, we were talking about this ritual, and now we are doing it! Incredible.
The couples lined up .. The teacher recited mantras, just like the brahmins do in India .. for a moment the consciousness was transferred somewhere .. It was so beautiful to watch the couples !!! and I understand that almost everybody has already passed, but I have not … I turn my head and meet my eyes with the Absolute. He smiles at me and makes a joke. I look into his eyes and say, “Come with me.” And the next second I am already on my feet, and the Absolute holds my hand tightly. Strong and gentle. Feeling of trust. Feeling protected. The teacher says: “next pair”. I close my eyes. We go. And at that moment, such a gamut of feelings flashed at once outside, in my head, in my heart .. I’m like a little girl, standing naked in front of the world .. and I feel his love, I feel how fears burn up in a sacred flame. And then we looked into each other’s eyes .. I was held by the hands of the Absolute itself, no more, no less .. He seemed to be a reflection of me .. I absolutely, totally, completely trusted him. As if he were me. And such joy overwhelmed me, such euphoria! As if the whole world was in his eyes …
And then there was practice with the Absolute .. and I felt the same complete trust. As if I and He are one. It was so comfortable with him, as if we were one. Such gratitude overwhelmed him. I wanted him to be the happiest creature in the world, I wanted to give him the whole Universe, everything at His feet ..
When the teacher at the end chanted this fantastic mantra, my body seemed to begin to shake .. I held myself back, because I didn’t want to disturb the rest of the “sandwich layers” (practice of shavasana in a group).. it seemed to me that the teacher who led the practice turned into some kind of whirlwind moving in a spiral .. I felt the same whirl inside my body and it, like a healing stream, cleansed me entirely .. I felt a block in the throat center very strongly, at some point I even began to choke ..
After completing the practice, I didn’t want to leave at all, I wanted to dance and fly around the hall.
Thanks to everyone and especially our magic teacher.